Jim Alexander

 

Jim Alexander

It is 2 months short of 9 years since I moved into this Mobile Home. I love it very much. For nine years I shared it with my sweetheart, my wife,-my life,-Donna Lee and her constant companion and dear friend, Chico the Wonder Dog. It was wonderful.

This last two years have been very lonely for me…my sweet wife went to Heaven a couple of years after her baby, Chico the Wonder Dog, went to Doggie Heaven. Sometimes almost anyone enjoys being alone. This has not been how it has been for me since my darling wife left. I miss her every day and night…every hour…every minute…every second…to split the second that I never think of you, my sweet wife, is just impossible. She was always here…a miracle beside me…a reason for everything…a reason for life itself.

But now this Heaven I shared with my miracle is empty and I am getting old without her support and love to hold me up and urge me on. So I will sell my little piece of Heaven and trade it for the however limited amount of security of living in Modesto near my children and other family.

After I finish my very unimportant life, I will return to Red Bluff and my ashes of love will be placed beside my sweet wife,-I will lie beside her one more time,-this time forever. Thank you, God, for giving me a miracle of perfection, my wife,-my life even if only a this very short thirty eight years, and thank you, my dear friends and family for being here for me in this life.

I love you and miss you very much, my Donna Lee…

I am always your teddy bear…Jim…JC…Alex…

Conundrum...

* I started this blog post quite a few months back and I decided that, instead of writing a new one and wasting this one, I will just finish this like it is appropriate for now. Ahyhoo',-here goes...

I think that is the right word. To begin, in the past year since the Memorial Service for my sweet Donna Lee, there have been no more than twelve different people in my home.(if my memory serves me well) Two of those people were here to buy Donnas' Mercury Gran Marquis automobile. So they do not count as company.

And I can't hardly count the five visits from my sweetie because, although I heard her voice once, I never saw her. Nor can I count the few visits from Chico the Wonder Dog because, although I heard his ear flaps do their noise thing, I never saw him either.

Oh, you could say, "Poor James,-so alone and lonesome." And you would be right part of the time. I must say, it does get long here sometimes, having no voice to listen to and no person to see. And to make it worse, I can't stand to have the TV on during the day and listen to the noise it makes. To Donna, that was company; to me, an agitation. So, it is very quiet much of the time.

But, (and here is the conundrum) at times when I had an opportunity to invite some acquaintance into my home, I chose not to do it. Why I made this choice is, in part, somewhat of a mystery to me. I have always valued my solitude, being the loner that I am, but even loners need company sometimes. To be where there is never the sound of a human voice except for my own and the TV, is sort of weird sometimes. And scary, sort of, sometimes. I have to admit I have people on line to communicate with so I am not all alone, at that.

Face Book is a source of company for me and I have several sites on You Tube I go to every day.
But this last weekend was nice. My niece, Shelby Weatherford, had a wedding shower on Saturday in Modesto and I drove there and attended it and sang a few songs for them. The fellow she is marrying seems like a nice guy. He has already made plans to go into the military right after March 12, their wedding date. He will train to be a Tank man, starting out as gunner. They seem to be very much in love.
I, also, had a nice visit with my big sister, Mickey, and her daughters, Gail and Lano. Lano is Shelby's mother.


Yesterday was my son's 52nd birthday anniversary. My, my,-he is getting on up there in age. I went to my daughter, Margaret's, house and visited with her a while. Lorado was there and I took him out for breakfast at Denny's Restaurant. Then we drove around to see some of the places where I grew up,-in the airport district...little okie. It didn't do much for him but I must say, I got somewhat nostalgic. I spent the better part of ten years there. The house I lived in was gone and an apartment house was there. The thing I remembered most was a small tree mother planted. It started at about four feet tall and now it is a giant.

Then we went to where Lorado's girlfriend lives and I said hello to my grandson, Jaydon. He is quite a boy.

Then I went back to the motel and went on line with my laptop pc and talked to my little girl, Tina, in Portugal. We had a nice chat then I checked out and drove home. I got there just in time to see her on the web cam and say hello and good night.

That is about it for this time. Maybe I won't wait so long to write again.

Later...

Gosh,-and I Was Feeling So Good...

...too good, I guess. I haven't had a bad cold in about forty years (about 8 months) and I hadn't even heard of Whooping Cough in about forty years (yeah...about 40 years) so I am told I need to be vaccinated for whooping cough, and like the dummy that I am, I agree and I get the shot.

OK, now I haven't heard of whooping cough for about 6 seconds (6 seconds) and haven't had a bad cold in about two days ago. (that's 2 days) Well, I guess the shot worked because I still don't have whooping cough but I damn sure do have a bad cold. I know it is just a coincidence I got the cold a couple of days after the vaccination. Ask anyone.

I'm sure glad I got that off of my chest. Now for my guarantee: I WILL NEVER AGAIN GET A WHOOPING COUGH SHOT!!! I wish I could say the same for the bad cold.

Right now I should be in Shasta Lake City, singing and entertaining senior citizens.

That was yesterday. Big bummer!!! Gosh, and I always have such a wonderful time at Shasta Lake City Senior Citizen Nutrition Center. Sometimes I even make enough money from tips (gratuities) to pay for my gas from Red Bluff to there and back. 'wow'... But the folks are nice and we do have a nice time.

Now it's 5:07 am here and I slept in until after 4 o'clock. 'yay'...I hope this is my last 'bad cold' day. There is an acoustic instrument musical jam session tomorrow at the Twin View Mobile Park recreation center. I'd sure like to go to it. Maybe I will be well enough to at least show up for a while. I hope so. A lady friend and I were planning on singing a song or two together and I am really looking forward to it. She is a very pleasant lady and a good singer and I would enjoy just about anything that involves her. ((^.~)) ((^.~))...(wink-wink) :( OK-OK,-I'll be nice!!

Well, I'd better post this and get it over with. Maybe add too it a little later.

My silver lining: Since I was sick yesterday, I had some quality time to spend with my little girl, Tina, in Portugal! yum yum! She is such a sweetie!! She is teaching me some Portuguese and I am teaching her a few things about America; American men, mostly! Me, mostly! 'chuckle' What a blessing she is.

OK, OK! (I already said that, didn't I) Yeah, all right. I better git {sic} this on the i-net before I think up sumfin {sic-again} else to add.

'oops'...too late... I need to add; there is a video on You Tube called, "I Want To Be With You Forever," by a group called Westlife that is about the greatest video I have seen. It is so well made that it's scary. If you watch it, I guarantee you will think of someone you love now or have loved in the past. It just does that to people. ...

I should add, there is a flashing sign that says, "I Fucking Love You," as the title and as a scene in the video. I know this will be a bit offensive to some people...it was to me,-I almost didn't watch it because of that sign. But it is done to drive home a point and it does it very well so, if you want to be happy and sad at the same time, watch this wonderfully made video and listen to this beautiful song and you can just close your eyes when this one scene comes on. The rest of the video is outstanding.

Later...

Another Senior Day...

Today is another senior day. This time it is at the Frontier Hall in Anderson. It is always a nice visit there. The folks there are very friendly and responsive. However, this is close to the end of the month and their resources are probably depleted so the tips will be few, I suppose. I always depend on tips to pay for the gas it takes to go there and back.

Last time was wonderful. I hooked up my computer so I could use Band in a Box for my musical background and, 'voila', I got an internet signal! I signed in to messenger and there was Tina, my little sweetheart in Portugal, on line. She stayed on line with me all through the show! It was great!

I put her on full screen and introduced her to everyone by turning the laptop PC toward the dining area! Everyone said hello to her and she said hello to them. Then I went ahead and did the rest of my program with her there watching. She was thrilled to be in America with me! And I was thrilled to be with her! It was wonderful! Maybe she will be there today again. I hope so.
I'll save this now and finish when I get back.

I'm back...Friday was another wonderful day. Tina was there again. Isn't modern technology great? It was another wonderful day, sharing my sweetheart from Portugal with my friends at the center.

Some folks dressed for Halloween. There was a small ceremony where all the costumed folks had a little parade around the room and then a vote to see who would receive a prize for the best costume. It was a lot of fun. And Tina watched all the proceedings, the parade and, also, watched while we said our pledge of allegiance to our flag and then had a moment of silence for anyone who wished to thank God for our blessings. She was very impressed with everything. Now she is an American!! At least with all of us at the center, she is.
I am so impressed with this young woman in Portugal, and I love her dearly. She literally saved my life and now she owns it. Maybe I will explain that statement someday, but for now, that is another story.

Today is a jam session day. I go to Palo Cedro to Jans' house. It is always a lot of fun there. It's a bit small, the space in the session room, but very cozy. And Jan is an exceptional hostess.
So now I take my leave. I will report back in a day or so. Until then, I'll see you later,- 'If the good Lord's willing and the creek don't rise!' Have a good one!

Later...

A Little Weird...

I was perusing my conglomeration of poems yesterday and came across this little gem. As I recall, my wife, Donna, (this is before she was -'Donna Lee') and I lived in a small, little bitty out of the way burg out east of Redding called Shingletown, on Bambi Drive.


We were out back smoking a j...t..-'er..oops'..., a cigarette and listening to music on the radio. A song played that was so stupid as to be almost comical and I, of course, being the very opinionated person I am, expressed an opinion about said song that, I am certain, would not have interested anyone in the world. (either the opinion or the song)

What I said was something like, 'what a stupid song. I can't understand what the heck it even means.'...-and added to Donna, 'Can you, honey?'.-honey!...- and she responded, "Can I what? I wasn't listening." (and this was when she actually was paying more attention to me than usual-usually she would have just stayed in limbo and not responded at all or nodded off at my question...she valued my opinions that much)



She mumbled something like...'-so good...uh, I was busy...' Folks, please forgive me if I don't even try to explain that one. I mumbled something like, 'Thank you, darling, for your rapt attention.' As her eyes focused on me, I saw a smile play around the edges of her mouth. Boy, all of a sudden I reveled in her attention, so I proceeded...

'I think I'll try to write a poem like that song was,-meaningless and weird.' Donna replied, 'you're not really weird, Jim, just a little strange sometimes.' I retorted, 'Honey I didn't mean me, I meant...uh..-oh, never mind.' She complied to never mind. She was so accommodating.



Well, to make a long story short, I wrote this poem. I won't name it here so you can not only read it but can put whatever title to it as suits your fancy. I'll be interested in seeing what names come up for it. (provided anyone even reads it-'duh') It goes:

Daylight mingles with the rising sun,
Day has just begun to cover up my fears,
Gray night-flashes fading one by one,
Glowing embers turning to ashes of my tears.

Hear the quiet of the yesterday
Start another way to push me to the line.
Roaring nothings laughing in my ear,
Telling me to fear what I know is mine.

Hold to now, let go of other days,
Push out all the rays of passions of the past!
Bursting pin-point heavens ever play,
Showing me the way. The breath is here at last

Let me know what you think. If this is a success, maybe I'll write one that makes sense.

Later...

Another Day...

Well, gosh...it seems like a year since I blogged. 'duh' Hey, dummy, it has been a year...But, as Chico the Wonder Dog would say, "Yeah,-and so...?" How much more profound can one get than that!!! He is so smart.


Moving on to other things; today is once again a day to entertain senior citizens. (some even more senior than me-'chuckle') Today my excursion into the realm of entertainment will take place at the Shasta Lake Senior Citizen Nutrition Center and Recreation Hall...'whew-what a mouthful'-


This is always a pleasant gig,-the folks there are very receptive and friendly. It is about 40 miles from my home so the round trip is 80 miles. With the price of gasoline as high as it is these days, it costs me about 12 bucks to go there and back. I always need to rely on the generosity of my audience to pay for the gas. They contribute to the kitty, my tip jar, to help me finance my trips to and from there. And, I am happy to say, most days yield enough money in tips to pay for that session.


I look forward to today, to see and be with the friendly folks there. The manager, a very nice and friendly lady named Rita, makes it pleasant for me with her friendliness and generosity. She, along with certain others, always 'feeds the Kitty' and makes my jaunts affordable.


And so, without further ado, I ready myself for this, what should be pleasant and rewarding, day!


And so I take my leave. I will report on any happenings worth mentioning. Thank you, dear friends, for your rapt attention. (nice word, 'rapt',-I've always wanted to use it and, 'voila,' here it has happened-this day has begun well!!)

Later...

So, Here We Are...

...at another time and another place. After I discovered Donna and I could make wonderful music together, I fell in love with her. It was quite different than it had been before. Before, I had loved her, there's no doubt, but not like this; not wanting her to be a part of everything I did and said.


I think she felt the same; she never said. But, unlike me, Donna was very quiet about her feelings and emotions. While I expressed myself at every opportunity, I had to guess much of the time to know what she was feeling. Sometimes I knew and sometimes, could just guess and hope I was right. But, being the selfish fellow I am, I didn't worry too much about it. She seemed happy most of the time and that was good enough for me.


We began practicing together, our singing and our deportment, how to appear on stage and entertain. She was always the 'straight' person when I joked. She had the perfect, 'what a load of crap,' look for my quips and I always topped her by saying to the audience, "Ain't she a cutie; am I lucky or what?" It was wonderful.

And we made many videos to put on You Tube as JC and Donna Lee
She was so shy at first but it didn't matter. Her wonderful, lilting voice was made for such as this; to be heard by the world. To hear her sing, "Green Eyes," was enough to make my heart melt in ecstasy. She never acknowledged how very wonderful and special her singing was. She always said, "Oh, Jim is the singer in this family." How very naive she was. So reluctant to accept the praise she so deserved,-from a man who was so blessed by her complete love for and devotion to him.


It was a life I always wanted,-but hadn't known before. And she appeared to be a new person, singing with such love in her heart and voice, her father and mother would have been so very proud of their wonderful daughter! I know I was.


Sometimes, at night, in bed, I would just reach over and touch her...just a little touch, just to know she was there beside me. It was paradise. I had never before known someone who was so very loved by everyone on earth...this woman I called wife. How many years had been wasted by me before this by not seeing how wonderful and outstanding, how loving this woman who married me was. I was always so busy working or just being busy. Sometimes it takes something like retirement, the opportunity to be much closer day to day, to bring out the beauty of a person...the beauty of my Donna Lee.


How many days went by when I didn't take her in my arms and tell her how very special she was to me; how happy and proud I was to have such a woman as my own,-how humble I felt for having such a woman love me. How many wasted days there had been.


I'll stop here. What happened next is a matter of record; recorded in 'A Time and A Place' blog. There is no reason to go there in this one. This is just to say how I loved a woman who was so much too good for a worthless man such as me; who put me as close to Paradise as a mortal can get.


She will be in my heart and mind forever; for my forever. There are many kinds of love: there was only one of this kind...my love for my sweet Donna Lee. Don't worry, sweetie, I'll see you soon.

Later...